I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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