I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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