hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
