i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
