I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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