The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
