On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
