Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
