too bad you live with your parents still
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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