haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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