thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
