Will you blow on my dice?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
