$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
