Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
