I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
