Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
