my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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