What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
