I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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