Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your cock deserves a montage
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
