I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
