I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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