A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
