your thong is hanging out like whoa
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Everyone says I win the strip club
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
