It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.