Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings