I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face