When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
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I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.