I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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