turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees