How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .