I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
