I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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