The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
