i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
