How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Farmville is her only friend.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
