can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
