He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
