those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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