i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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