she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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