Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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