No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We have started to decorate penises.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
