I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
