i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
