HIV tests are more positive than that guy
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
