Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
