Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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