final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
a search helicopter?!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
