i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
