Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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