Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
