ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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