Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
