i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
