Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
