1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
