friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
