i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
