What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
