You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
