I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
