Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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