I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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