Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
did you just send me my own nude
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
