I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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