It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
