Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
