No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
