i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
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Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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