im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
