My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
